Sexual fantasies occupy much space in a man’s mind. If he is not on his guard, not right with God, or is not walking with God at the moment; the sight of a woman can trigger a lot of sexual thoughts in his mind.
This is because men are stimulated by sight. It doesn’t matter whether a woman is properly dressed or not. An undisciplined mind is is easily run over by sexual fantasies.
These sexual fantasies are sin. Why? Because if given a chance you’ll act them out. You play with sexual fantasies in your mind because you think no one knows and you won’t get caught. You can still keep your outward appearance of godliness while inside you can have sexual pleasure.
Some of you might be young. Some of you in middle age. But if you never have tried to control sexual fantasies, it will have a stronghold in your mind. This will get difficult to break as years pass by.
If you wish to get out of it; you need to take it to the Lord in prayer. And accept sexual fantasies as sin. Now there are thoughts that Satan can bombard into your mind from outside. Maybe flaming arrows of the evil one that Paul speaks about (Ephesians 6:16) can refer to that.
That is why when you walk on the road or even reading the Bible or attending church suddenly a sexual thought pops up into your mind. If you do not immediately recognize the source and flee to Jesus from it; you are in trouble.
The thought that you cannot come out of sinful sexual fantasies is a lie of the devil. It might take some time to break out of the habit. You have to humble yourself before God and seek his help repeatedly.
Do not think that you alone are addicted to fantasies. Many men who might have a close walk with God can also battle the temptation of sexual fantasies. Your feelings of inferiority, rejection you have faced, abuse that you might have undergone in your childhood can all determine the intensity of sexual fantasies you entertain in your mind.
Now there are practical things you need to consider. It is true that you are faced with lot of women dressed differently than expected. That can create sexual fantasies. But wait a minute.
Can a burning stick thrown into water ignite water? No; isn’t it? At the same time, can a burning stick thrown into a can of petrol or gasoline ignite it? Pretty quickly, isn’t it? So what does that mean? It means that there is something in your heart that responds to the flaming arrows thrown at you. That is where the problem lies (Reading James 1:13–15 might be helpful).
Look at David. He saw a woman bathing. That was not the problem. The problem was that he fantasized sexually about her in his mind and might have gone through all that he planned to do to her in his mind even before she ever appeared in person before him.
Why did that happen? David was a godly person. But for some reason he did not maintain a close walk with God and neglected his duty of leading the army in war during that period in his life. Therefore he fell into sin.
Look at Joseph. He chose to stay away from Potiphar’s wife. Why? Because even in his thoughts he did not want to violate the sacredness God has placed on marriage. He knew it was sin against God. He had all the opportunity inviting him to sin sexually. Yet he did not fall because he did not sexually fantasize.
Married men also need to be careful. Perhaps it is more easy for you to sexually fantasize than before. If your sexual fantasies don’t match with your real life with your wife; then you are crossing the boundaries. If you are substituting someone else in your mind other than your wife for sexual pleasure then you are crossing the boundaries.
You need to confess before God and ask his help. Perhaps your wife is not respecting you or not interested in sex or is busy chatting on social media. It can make you vulnerable to sin as you feel you have a right to sin because you are neglected.
Take your emotional need to the Lord in prayer. But do not think that sexual fantasies are the way out. It will destroy the very foundations of your married life.
Sexual fantasies will lead you to sinful action. It can result in a lot of weird sinful sexual behaviour. Therefore seek God’s mercy before it is too late.
It is a reality that men do struggle with sexual fantasies. If not, why did not there remain at least one to cast a stone at the woman caught in adultery and brought before Jesus (see John 8:7–9)? Not one of them might have committed adultery for real. But their minds were not free from sexual fantasies.
Techniques to avoid the second look is not what you need. That doesn’t work. It is God’s mercy and compassion you need to seek. It is the help of the Spirit of God that you need to seek earnestly. It is a desire to spend more time with God’s word that you need to seek.
The blood of Jesus is powerful and effective to cleanse you from all your sexual fantasies (see 1 John 1:7; Hebrews 9:14). Ask God to cleanse you thoroughly by the precious blood of Jesus.
When sexual fantasies trouble your mind remember that Jesus said: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” — Matthew 5:28.
There is no need to explain what Jesus said. It means what it says. Therefore cry out to God regarding the sexual fantasies you are having. Spell out to God in honest words what you secretly cherish and are obsessed with in confession before him. And ask him to cleanse you with the precious blood of Jesus. There is nothing else that can cleanse like his precious blood.
And seek God’s help to bring every wrong sexual thought you have captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). If you think the battle is too much, remember that the battle is the LORD’s even as the boy David said as he took on the giant Goliath (1 Samuel 17:47). And remember 1 John 4:4 says, “the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
Yes big is your God. And bigger than your battle with sexual fantasies. He will certainly deliver you.
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